Twisted Stitcher

Saturday, August 21, 2010

And for today, an essay from the dog....

How to Handle a Thunderstorm

by Mira

First, if you are not alone in the house, make sure your mistress is awake to protect you from the scary thunder and lightening. This is most effectively accomplished at 4 am by crawling up to the pillows, leaning hard against her, and shaking uncontrollably without stopping until she wakes up to find out what’s wrong.

Then, once she is positively awake, hop down to the floor and try to crawl under the bed, even though you don’t fit under it. Make a bunch of noise with whatever is under there. This is more effective if she has no idea what is under the bed, then she will have to get a flashlight and investigate. This will assure you get more time to shiver and gain more sympathy.

Then hop back up and try to wiggle under the covers. If that doesn’t work, hop down and try to squeeze behind the headboard. If your mistress starts to get cranky, jump back up from the floor and back again a few times to let her know you aren’t upset with her. Then jump back to the floor and find the tiny corner next to the dresser to sleep through the storm. It helps to make a lot of noise by scratching the carpet for a long time to get the nap just right. The floor will be a safer place than the bed because you can’t see the lightening as well, and so you can totally ignore it.

Because you know she will be awake for a while to make sure that nothing bad can happen, you can now safely go to sleep.


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